Hometown Dates Recap Roundup:
Kristen Baldwin for Entertainment Weekly
For their hometown date activity, Cassie tries to teach Colton how to surf — but it is not a successful lesson, to say the least. At one point, the dude fell off his board while trying to paddle on his stomach. “He’s, like, flopping all over the place,” giggles Cassie. “But he puts his heart into it.” Girl, I think you just described Colton’s first night in the fantasy suite. Hey-ooooo!
Diggy Moreland for Betches
This is my favorite hometown of the four by FAR. Not only because Hannah G.’s mom looked like a cast member from Family Guy, but mostly because I’ve never seen so many “Can I speak to the manager haircuts” in one place. (If you don’t know what I’m referring to, Google it. Thank me later.) Colton sits down for dinner (buttering his bread correctly thanks to the etiquette class) they begin asking him about his intentions, and he tries his best. The whole time, I get the feeling that I’m watching a bad political campaign commercial, and most of that’s driven by the fact that Hannah’s father is dressed like a presidential candidate. After a long day with the cast of Fried Green Tomatoes, Colton tells Hannah that he loves her while staring at the gnome from the Expedia commercials.
First up is Caelynn’s hometown, and Colton travels to Virginia to meet up with her, which is confusing because for the last 8 weeks anytime anyone has accidentally breathed in her direction she’s humble bragged about being Miss North Carolina. Do we think Caelynn wears her “Miss North Carolina” sash around Virginia or do you think she’s embarrassed because she could never win in Virginia and had to move to a different state to do so?
Ali B. for Vulture
That was the beige cardigan of rap. That was the unseasoned chicken of rap. That was the plain La Croix of rap. There’s never been a black person in that house. Hannah G.’s family said, “Oh, she hasn’t rapped for you yet,” as if that was something to be proud of. Hannah G. also said, “I’ve been rapping for years.” Imagine doing something for years and still being that shitty at it. Then her dad, who probably thought Green Book deserved the Academy Award for Best Picture, decided he should beatbox. When it was all over, he held up his water glass, crossed his arms like he’s seen those hippity-hoppers do, and said “WORD.” What word? Fiduciary? Hannah G. made Sugar Hill Gang look like Wu-Tang Clan.
Rodger Sherman for The Ringer
Monday night was the end of the road for Virginia’s own Miss North Carolina, as Colton decided to move forward with Cassie, Hannah, and Tayshia while ditching Caelynn. I always think this is the cruelest dumping—after every woman goes back to their hometown, they return to Los Angeles explicitly for a rose ceremony, meaning Caelynn flew five hours just to get dumped. I hope she at least got In-N-Out while she was out here.
But in the long run, this is good news for Caelynn. As previously noted, last week’s episode was brought to a boil by Tayshia’s accusation that Caelynn had spoken openly about wanting to be the next Bachelorette. At the time, I sided with Caelynn, but after thinking about it for a week, I think I’m on Tayshia’s side. Specifically, Caelynn’s history of moving states in a concerted effort to win the Miss USA pageant makes me think this might be a woman who enters various competitions with grander goals in mind.
Ashley Iaconetti for Cosmopolitan
Last night, Cassie acted the same way I have in the past with guys who like me more than I like them. There was a lot of resistance on her end. Her smile didn’t hit her eyes. When I smile and mean it, my mouth turns up. When I smile when I’m faking it, my mouth stretches toward my ears.
Sharleen Joynt for Flare
If it wasn’t clear before that Cassie is Colton’s favourite, it certainly is now. Colton had to describe his relationships on each Hometown, and he was by far the most effusive and specific (well, at least as specific as he’s capable of) about his connection with Cassie. In general, when there have been connections described as, well, “indescribable,” they tend to be the winning kind. (Remember Arie and Lauren?) It’s obvious the big question is no longer will Colton choose Cassie, but rather, will Cassie choose Colton? And regardless the outcome, I for one love this power-equalizing twist.
AfterBuzz with Kristina Zias, Renee Ariel and Jeff Graham
Almost Famous with Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti (This week: Ben’s new girlfriend)
Bachelor Live with Julia Cunningham and Robert Mills
Bachelor Party with Juliet Litman
Here to Make Friends with Emma Gray and Claire Fallon
I Hate Green Beans with Lincee Ray and Some Guy in Austin
Rosecast with Rim and AB
Rose Pricks with Ronnie Karam and Stefanie Wilder Taylor
Will You Accept this Rose? with Arden Myrin and Rob Benedict
Miscellaneous Bachelor Nation Podcasts:
Chad’s World with Chad Johnson
Help! I Suck at Dating with Dean Unglert, Jared Haibon, and Vanessa Grimaldi
Let’s Talk About It with Taylor Nolan
Mouthing Off with Olivia Caridi
The Nick Viall Files with Nick Viall
Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad
Your Favorite Things with Wells Adams and Brandi Cyrus
Bachelor Nation News:
Is Chad Johnson dating Canadian Caitlin? (Us Weekly)
Venmo John has a girlfriend! (Us Weekly)