Episode 2 Recap Roundup:
Kristen Baldwin for Entertainment Weekly
Be a doll and put your tassels down for a second, Demi, because Tracy would like to read you the riot act — in a whisper — about touching the date rose. “She had, like, a frowny face on,” Demi reports. “But haters gonna hate. I’m not worried about it, because there’s no advantage to being an older woman here.” Side note: Tracy, like Elyse, is 31, which in Bachelor years is practically paleolithic.
Diggy Moreland for Betches
Second half of the date is at night on a ship, and for her sake I hope it’s the S.S. Speak Your Mind. She spends most of the date just smiling and struggling to put a sentence together, and Colton picks up on it. The name of this ship must be Titanic, because this date is going down FAST. She then tries to salvage the date by saying she’s nervous, and the producer whispers to Colton: “We can’t send her home on her birthday, it’s in her contract.” Unfortunately, she somehow gets a rose. Safe for another week.
The red team wins, and they get to camp out with Colton for the night. So, let me get this straight. The other girls get to go back to the mansion and these girls have to sleep in their clothes in a dirty cabin? Who really won here?
Why do I feel like Colton is going to dump this “never been kissed” girl? I have a feeling he doesn’t want another virgin in the house. He wants to be the only one with a hymen.
Ali B. for Vulture
Hannah B. tells him she wanted to save herself for marriage but she didn’t and she carried a lot of guilt about it and it almost “killed her.” She’s so full of anxiety and pain that she can’t give her virginity to the person she marries.
Let me tell y’all what I’m NOT going to do. I’m not going to sit here and act like it’s healthy or normal for anyone to put this kind of pressure on a completely meaningless status. Like, sure, it’s great that some people wait until marriage, and good for them. But what’s obviously NOT OKAY is women — it’s always women — freaking the f*** out and feeling unworthy and dirty because they did a natural human thing. It “killed” Hannah B. that she can’t give the person she marries an abstract, conceptual gift. She doesn’t feel perfect because she got horny at some point in her teens and had sex. THAT’S what is so damaging about this whole virginity narrative. It ain’t cute.
She gets the rose.
Rodger Sherman for The Ringer
Onyeka upped the ante: She snuck up on a conversation between Colton and Sydney with an airhorn, blew the dang thing right in their ears, and told Colton that she was feeling “horny.” Sydney, however, did not give up without a fight. She went inside the Bachelor mansion and returned with a variety of pots and pans, insisting on banging them in Onyeka’s ear as revenge. It’s unclear how this feud will resolve, but if these women have any integrity, Onyeka will accost Colton with a megaphone and Sydney will show up with a heavy metal concert wall of amps. Colton will have permanent hearing loss by the fifth episode.
Ashley Iaconetti for Cosmopolitan
Hannah B.’s one-on-one date was awkward, but can we talk about how silent those dates are?! Imagine going on a date with no background sound whatsoever.
No people talking in the background, no music, not even the sound of beach waves! It puts so much pressure on you. You can spend a week with a person chatting painlessly around the kitchen or by the beach or in lounge areas (like in Paradise), but then you go on a one-on-one without any background sounds and all the sudden you feel awkward with him/her and at a loss at what to talk about…expect for your birthday…you can always talk about your birthday. So, don’t act like you’d be any less cringe-y than Hannah was.
Sharleen Joynt for Flare
First, let it be known that there is something very messed up about any world—even if only a reality-TV bubble—in which a 31-year-old woman qualifies as a “cougar.” As if women don’t have enough impossible standards to take on on a daily basis: near-teenaged models represent a beauty ideal, we’re seen as pushy and aggressive if we fight for something as fair as equal pay, our bodies and what we choose to do with them or dress them in are forever subjected to male opinion, and once we hit our thirties we’re expected to never age a second further for the rest of our lives. And now, even on a fluff show—the show that practically invented escapism—we’re subjected to age 23 being purported as a standard wife-to-be age and 31 as being over the hill, as “cougar” territory? Seriously, aren’t we past that?
AfterBuzz with Kristina Zias and Jeff Graham
Almost Famous with Ben Higgins and Ashley Iaconetti (This week: Colton Underwood and Alex Dillon)
Bachelor Live with Julia Cunningham and Robert Mills
Bachelor Party with Juliet Litman (This week: Lauren Zima)
Here to Make Friends with Emma Gray and Claire Fallon (This week: Erin Darke)
I Hate Green Beans with Lincee Ray and Some Guy in Austin
Rosecast with Rim and AB
Rose Pricks with Ronnie Karam and Stefanie Wilder Taylor
Will You Accept this Rose? with Arden Myrin, Bill Kuntsler, and Brendan Smith
Miscellaneous Bachelor Nation Podcasts:
Chad’s World with Chad Johnson
Help! I Suck at Dating with Dean Unglert, Jared Haibon, and Vanessa Grimaldi
Let’s Talk About It with Taylor Nolan
Mouthing Off with Olivia Caridi
The Nick Viall Files with Nick Viall
Off the Vine with Kaitlyn Bristowe
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley and Tanya Rad
Your Favorite Things with Wells Adams and Brandi Cyrus
Bachelor Nation News:
All the pics from Arie + Lauren’s wedding (Us Weekly)