Ben's Bachelor Blog (People)
So get ready Bachelor Nation. I know none of you saw this coming because not even I did. And I can tell you that I never anticipated it all ending like this either. It may sound wonderful to have two women like this that love you, but I think you'll see in a couple of weeks how incredibly painful being in this position can be. There are far, far more tears to be shed all leading up to an ending that I am still trying to wrap my head around to this day.
Chris Harrison’s Blog (Yahoo! TV) Chris is particularly poetic this week.
Even the crystal blue waters of Jamaica can’t always remove the clouds of thoughts that live in your brain as you fall in love with someone who is still actively dating other people.
There’s no question the feelings our final love triangle are experiencing seem to be real, but the lead isn’t usually allowed to utter those three little words until the finale. The believer in me thinks Ben really is in love with two women at the same time. (I personally can’t imagine it, but he wouldn’t be the first Bachelor to say it’s possible.) The analytical side of me wonders if he blurted it out in the moment to Lauren because he felt it, but then producers massaged those feelings (and words) out of him for Jojo to keep things a mystery for viewers. (Have I ever mentioned I’m a skeptic?) Either way, Ben sure is in a pickle now.
I think his fear of being unlovable has made him open up to loving more than one person. Should he have told both of them? No, I don’t think he should have. He should have done what all us other Bachelors and Bachelorettes did and kept his cute little mouth shut until the final rose.
This episode always brings back tons of memories for me … it was the episode where I was sent home on the Bachelor. I remember the heartbreak like it was yesterday, I thought my world was totally over.
Ben is dumbfounded as to why Lauren would choose to be with him because she's, wait for it, "too good for him." Lauren's like, likewise, bae, and assures Ben he's the man of her dreams. You know the drill, the fantasy suite card is presented, she accepts, and then Lauren spills the good stuff.
Lauren arrives, looking like she’s having a little bit of trouble walking in her hilariously short jean shorts. “I’m very nervous to tell Ben that I love him,” she tells us. “Even if Ben can’t say anything back… to get [these feelings] off my chest will feel really good.” But seriously, at what point do shorts just become underwear?
Things lightened up after Ben and Caila made a pit stop at the "Jerk Center" for food (no, Juan Pablo wasn't there), and she told Ben, "I was off today because it's hard knowing that there are two other people in this."
This week is going to be full of overnight dates, and as Ben puts it, they’re in “one of the most romantic places in the world, doing some of the most romantic things.” WINK.
There was still a rose ceremony to be had even though there was no point to that at all. Ben gave Jojo a rose, then Lauren, and then they all hugged awkwardly. Really awkwardly. Like Voldemort hugging Draco awkwardly. Ben tried to make things fun by throwing his hands in the air like he just don't care, but there was no recovering from sharing a hug with both the women you're in love with at the same time.
Lauren finally decided to tell Ben she is in love with him ... and 'lo and behold, Ben said it back. Yup, he totally went rogue and just blurted it out. And then he kept saying it. And then he said it some more. And then it was the morning after, and he said it some more. (Also, shoutout to ABC for the shot of their crumpled up clothes strewn on the floor. Keep it classy.)
Bye, Caila. You completely live inside your own head and the show glossed over your pretty glaring flaws, but we'll be seeing you again in a few months when you become The Bachelorette. Whatever.
He’s an account manager from Denver who likes basketball. He’s not too good for anyone. He’s the bare minimum of dudes. But who cares, there’s a double rainbow over them as they make out in the ocean, and in their suite at Sandals Jamaica, she tells him that she loves him and that he’s the man of her dreams. You have boring dreams, girlfriend.
Sure, telling Lauren that he loves her complicates things, but it’s not like she asked him to break up with his other girlfriends so Ben continues on this journey with Jojo who is wearing the shortest denim shorts of them all. This is like some kind of Forever21 retelling of Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
Lauren walks like a bowlegged cowboy in her denim panties for some reason. I blame chub rub or some sort of crotch rot. I don’t feel sorry for her because a nice maxi dress would have provided fewer constraints and refreshing air to the problem region. The decision to wear a belly sweater as a cover-up was equally puzzling.
They have the same conversation they’ve had on every date so far and finally Caila tells Ben she is in love with him. He responds by looking for more tongue and Caila tells us, “I can feel in his breath that he feels the same.” I wonder, is "breath" code for "pants" in Ohio? Otherwise that makes no sense.
I feel like JoJo is the cool senior cheerleader who’s used to dating college guys, and then she surprises everyone by dating the sophomore boy next door, which is sweet but also just makes everyone kind of wrinkle their brows when they hear about it because even though Ben is cute and nice, he hasn’t really earneda rack like that yet, you know? Like does he even know what to do with it? And then you kind of wonder if she’s just so tired of being taken advantage of by older guys named Chad and so maybe she just wants to be with a guy who actually worships her for once and knows that she’s too good for him and will therefore treat her with decency and respect, which is a legit thing to want to sometimes, you know?
Lauren: Just hearing all about the sea turtles is making me think that Ben could be the one for me. – HOW DOES THAT SENTENCE MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL?
Reality Steve *Spoilers!*
“Ben and Caila. Welcome to the island of Jamaica. Hope you’re enjoying your stay. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. And Ben, if you decide to do this, you will finally have Filipino in you, which will make Caila’s dad so proud.”
10 things so dumb they were great on The Bachelor (Funny or Die)
After the unnecessary rose ceremony, Ben happily hugged both his potential brides. They all shared champagne and toasted to “falling in love.” Makes you wonder if they wouldn’t all just be happy together as a threesome.
Caila speaks out (People)
Us Weekly Breakdown featuring Jennifer Weiner:
Here to Make Friends (Emma + Claire PLUS Emily Maynard!)
The Most Dramatic Podcast in Bachelor History (Jensen + Melissa)
In which Jensen actually mentions "mouth sex" to his MOM.
Coming up Roses (Barstool Sports)
No need for condoms in the Fantasy Suites - just ask your producer for a Plan B Omelet in the morning!
Ashley officially gives herself a 4% chance of being named the next Bachelorette.
Bachelor Party with Juliet Litman (Channel 33)
Will you Accept this Podcast? (Bustle)
Bachelor Nation News:
Ben reveals that he's engaged! (People)
Former Bachelors react to Ben loving two women (Us Weekly)
Emily Maynard is pregnant (Us Weekly)