I see London, I see France!
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) January 27, 2016
Ben's Bachelor Blog (People)
What you guys didn't see though was that we actually had to call an audible on what the date was really supposed to be. I had set up this incredible helicopter tour of the Valley of Fire outside the city (that's why the date card said "You set my heart on fire"), but a huge rain and lightning storm rolled in that morning and the pilots said it was too dangerous to fly. So as cool as that sounded, nothing was worth risking our safety. Instead, we did what you do in Vegas … we gambled! JoJo and I went down and hit the tables for a little bit and actually hit the jackpot on a hand of blackjack! I'm not going say how much we won, but it was WAY more than I had ever won in my life. So exhilarating.
Chris Harrison’s Blog (Yahoo! TV)
How long can a man date identical twin sisters before he has to make a decision? This question hasn’t come up a lot, but I think at this point we know the answer is “about four weeks.”
Not to diss Vegas, but a city to which you might spontaneously book a last-minute party trip seems like a slightly anticlimactic first destination for the much-hyped 20th anniversary season.
My last thought to share with you all today is that I’m certain that Emily, Leah, Jennifer, Lauren H, and Ovlia will be the next 5 girls to go home (in no particular order). Why? Because none of them have gotten a 1-on-1 date yet. If you haven’t gotten a 1-no-1 date at this point in the season, then there is no way Ben is interested. If he isn’t interested now, it’s very unlikely that he will suddenly fall for one of these girls.
I’m sure most of them have been to Vegas before. Chill out gils, it’s just Vegas!!!!! BUT, on the other side of the coin, and being in their shoes before, I can totally see where they’re coming from. You spend SO much time in the mansion that by this point you’re really starting to get cabin fever. It doesn’t matter where you are going, you are just so excited to get out!
Squeezing another date in, Ben decides to take the T-Swift twins Haley and Emily on a two-on-one ... to their home. Only The Bachelor would come up with such a cruel way to separate twins — especially because, as it seems, there wasn't a rose at stake on this date and so if Ben didn't want to, he didn't have to let anyone go. That said, Emily wants Haley out of the competition because she's developing a stronger connection to Ben; it's a Higgins-before-siblings situation, you know?! Plus, Haley has too many photos of her "ex" around her bedroom. That was Haley, right?
Incidentally, “sex panther” sounds like a more legitimate job description than some of the other made-up occupations we’ve seen on this show. Speaking of weird sex nicknames, Lauren H. spends her one-on-one time chatting with Ben and “Little Ben” — a.k.a. a puppet production stole from Terry Fator. Their conversation ends the way so many of Ben’s conversations do — with his tongue in the other person’s mouth — but I’ve gotta say I kind of like Lauren. She’s just happy to be there, you know? Never complains, never cries, never bitches about anything. (Though I’m still a little miffed about her comment about Jubilee not fitting in with the other “soccer moms.”) Whether she’s empty-headed or just remarkably well adjusted, Lauren H. knows how to stay sane on a sadistic reality TV dating show. More power to you, honey.
Prayer circle for Olivia! Despite delivering the flawless rhyme "I'm zen with Ben," the frontrunner wasn't thrilled about how many other lips he was kissing because apparently she's never seen this show and has no idea how it works. "I think he's my husband, and I feel like I was being cheated on," she declared. Meanwhile, Ben was busy referring to Caila Quinn as a "sex panther."
By the time the women arrive, Ben’s already running the town, writing them a message on a hotel sign. The real twist? JoJo think Ben’s message to MULTIPLE WOMEN is “so romantic.” Really, it’s the equivalent of him copy and pasting a message to all of you, but fine. Maybe she’s already drunk.
Ben met the women in Las Vegas, and Jojo had the honor of Vegas' first one-on-one. It was a minor snooze, which is a thing we say about all the dates that are just really typical dates in which the two participants have a nice conversation and get along really well and nothing dramatic happens. Yeah, the date also involved a helicopter, fireworks over the Vegas strip, and making out behind a windblown table on a helicopter pad while the rest of the guy's girlfriends watched bitterly from a window, but as far as Bachelor dates go, it was pretty standard.
There were lots of basic interpretations of the word "talent" – we got to watch Lauren H. impersonate a chicken in a chicken suit (pour one out for Tiara, eliminated chicken enthusiast, forever in our hearts).
The lady-testants line up in their loose white tops and distressed jeans and open the first date card. Jojo is going on a date with Ben! I guess she has to get ready to … get out (leave) right now. I admire my restraint to make a JoJo joke until now.
Caila comes bounding down the stairs with so much energy I am sure that she just won big at the craps table. But, nope, it’s just the date card which reads, “Jojo you set my heart on fire.” I guess it’s more romantic than saying, “when this date is over, it will probably burn when you pee.”
Amber L. Carter (who is knocking it out of the park this season, BTW)
The good news is that even though Ben is NOT a virgin, Becca isn’t bothered about it, and Ben of course thinks it’s totally rad that Becca can commit to her beliefs in such a strong way. They also use the term “jumping bones” during this convo, which was not as hilarious as that might sound.
Harrison arrives at the mansion, smelling like Nevada sunshine, solid gold dice and victory.
Ben offers Becca the rose and she accepts, so they kiss — and Becca uses a lot of tongue for a virgin.
Bachelor Burn Book: Tweet Roundup
— Bachelor Interns (@BachelorInterns) January 26, 2016
OMG the first time we see someone eating on this show is Olivia after her depressing talk with Ben. She’s totally going to gain 10 pounds by next episode from this stress eating.
Ben on Ellen:
Jennifer Weiner's video recap:
Here to Make Friends (Y'all, Claire and Emma had Sharleen on as a guest this week!)
The Most Dramatic Podcast in Bachelor History (Jensen + Melissa)
Broses Before Roses (This was funnier than usual, I admit)
Coming up Roses with special guest JJ Lane! (Barstool Sports)
The Basic Bitch's Guide to Life (Aly + Christina)
If Jason and Molly don't bring back their podcast ASAP, I might start throwing things.
Bachelor Nation News:
ABC is counting down to Valentine's Day and the Jade-Tanner wedding by highlighting the 20 most memorable moments from 20 seasons of The Bachelor:
Moment #20: the Jake-Vienna Interview/Breakup
I really really really want Kaley Cuoco's leggings:
Well, damn. Now I also want a "Bachelor Live" snuggie.