Let's start judging the men, shall we?
Alex is a 31-year old Construction Manager from Atlanta.
BORING. Cute, but boring.
Blake is a 28-year old Sales Rep from Colorado.
You may or may not remember him from After the Final Rose. He was the one with the horse. Blake shows up Night One with another animal. So he's a really big animal guy.
Chase is a 27-year old Advertising VP from Florida.
Apparently Chase was also on ATFR? I seriously have zero recollection of him. He played college baseball at South Carolina, so he's also a Cock. I'm super original with my jokes, guys.
Chris R. is a 30-year old Sales Trainer from Orlando.
I'm sorry, I just don't see anyone but Danny Wood from NKOTB. I mean, that's him, right?
Christian is a 28-year old banker from San Diego.
Hey Christian, pick out your most camera-friendly short sleeve sweater for Headshots Day, but make sure you save your ankle length suit and driving slippers for Night One, okay. SOLID STYLE CHOICES, DUDE.
Christon S. is a 31-year old Former Harlem Globetrotter from LA.
I love this guy. Gorgeous eyes, and he can dunk. But I really want to know why the background of his headshot is lighter than everyone else's. It's really bothering me.
Clay is a 30-year old Pro Football Player from Chicago.
Clay Harbor is a real football player, y'all. He's even more real than Jordan Rodgers. I'm excited to see him on this show.
Colton is a 26-year old Former Pro Football Player from Denver.
Oh, Colton. Former athlete, cute as a bug, and during his FB Live, Chris Harrison teased that he's involved in a dramatic storyline this season. Basically, he's a shoe-in to be an ongoing part of this franchise in some way, shape, or form.
Connor is a 25-year old Fitness Coach from Florida.
He needs to button his shirt.
Darius is a 26-year old Pharmaceutical Sales Rep from California.
Yet another guy who was at ATFR, but I don't have any lasting impression of. He's got nice eyebrows and a lovely smile, but other than that, I've got nothing.
David is a 25-year old Venture Capitalist from Denver.
Loves guacamole but hates avocado, and he shows up Night One in a chicken costume. David, you are an enigma.
Garrett is a 29-year old Medical Sales Rep from Reno.
An outdoorsman with a brag-worthy Chris Farley impression. I actually think Becca will be all over that.
Grant is a 27-year old Electrician from California.
Jake is a 29-year old Marketing Consultant from Minneapolis.
According to Chris Harrison, Jake has a past with Becca. They just remember that past very differently.
Jason is a 29-year old Corporate Banker from Seattle.
Chris says he's from Buffalo, and since his bio tells us differently...well, there's a good chance we may see Buffalo this season. (If you know what I mean.)
Jean Blanc is a 31-year old Colognoisseur from Florida.
Colognoisseur is not a thing. The dude likes cologne. It's kind of like last year, when Diggy had like 800 pairs of shoes, but we didn't call him a Shoenoisseur, now did we?
Joe is a 31-year old grocery store owner from Chicago.
I like Joe. Joe is cute, and he seems normal. So he probably won't stick around very long.
John is a 28-year old Software Engineer from San Francisco.
Chris Harrison tells us that John is one of the more impressive guys to appear on this show, and a little Googling tells me that he was the fifth hire at Venmo. So the real question is, 'why is he on this show?'
Jordan is a 26-year old Male Model from Florida.
So, apparently, Jordan is the one to watch this season. Not because he's a front runner, necessarily. He's a character. He plays up the Model thing, showing up for a rose ceremony in his underwear. And Harrison referred to him as Zoolander, so you do the math. #dummyalert
Kamil is a 30-year old Social Media Participant from New York.
According to Harrison, Kamil is also a model. A model who has Facebook.
Leo is a 30-year old Stuntman from LA.
Y'all, I love Leo. I am living for this guy on this show. And clearly Becca is as well. #isithotinhereorisitjustleo
Lincoln is a 26-year old Account Sales Executive from LA.
Like just about everyone else, I was totally charmed by Lincoln on ATFR. But then I read the rumors floating around the internet about him. It's gross. Don't research him if you don't want to feel a little sick.
Mike is a 27-year old Sports Analyst from Cincinnati.
I was willing to give Mike a chance, but then he showed up Night One with a man bun and a cardboard cutout of Arie. HARD PASS.
Nick is a 27-year old Attorney from Orlando.
I stopped reading his bio at "signature tracksuits," because NOPE.
Rickey is a 27-year old IT Consultant from San Diego.
Bow Tie + Bomber Jacket is a bold look, Rickey. I respect that.
Ryan is a 26-year old Banjoist from California.
We all remember Banjo Guy from ATFR, right? He's adorable.
Trent is a 28-year old Realtor from Florida.
Chris Harrison says we need to keep an eye out for his Night One gift to Becca. Will do, Chris!
Wills is a 29-year old Graphic Designer from LA.
Wills likes Harry Potter? I like Harry Potter!