Enter: Animal Therapist Part 3, the Parrot. He advised Ashley how to deal with Caila, the "backstabbing whore of a friend."
Will someone please explain why Michelle Collins didn't call Ashley out on that last night?
Chris Harrison’s Blog (Yahoo! TV)
In the meantime, Jared has finally moved on from Ashley I., and then he moved on from Jubilee, and then he moved on from Emily, and now he has moved on to Caila. It was clear that she had the same affliction that affects so many other women in Paradise: a bad case of the Jareds.
One of my favourite moments of this episode is when Ashley I. was sat at the bar, bemoaning her situation to Jorge the bartender, and he responded with a simple, “Were you expecting something different?” Ahh, bartender wisdom. First off, OF COURSE Jared would be with someone. It’s Episode 5 and two rose ceremonies in; Just to even still be standing Jared would have had to become romantically attached enough to have lasted this long.
“You don’t swing both ways?” Daniel continues, unfortunately. “I do, but only on Fridays though.” Of course, with Ashley I., all conversational roads lead to Jared, and eventually she starts filling Daniel in on their one-sided relationship. “I call Jared my boyfriend who doesn’t touch me,” she explains. “Because, like, on an emotionally intimate level it’s there.” There will be no getting over Jared, says Ashley, until she finds a “replacement guy,” and right now that guy is the ginormous hunk of Canadian man meat sitting next to her. “You’re a very nice man,” says Ashley. “Oh my God, Daniel, we’re really bonding right now.” That’s one word for it.
Josh and Amanda bang and he sweats all over her while they cut between shots of Nick staring pensively into the ocean and stock footage of a train going into a tunnel. Wow. It's the next morning and everyone is happily coupled up and suddenly a girl is coming down the stairs and OH SHIT, it's Ashley I. She's still in love with Jared and apparently they've been sending each other flowers and sleeping in the same bed. She's toned down her makeup a little bit and she looks great. I'm into this twist.
As everyone does, she grabs the twins and they give her a quick rundown of who’s who among the cast.
OT: The barber…
Jen: Oh yeah…
Twin: Crunching on Izzy.
OT: Brunette with good boobs.
Jen: Got it.
OT: Our season. Brunette with bad extensions.
Twin: All over Grant.
OT: Hotter than crap firefighter.
Jen: I see.
Twin: Amanda and Josh.
OT: The couple over there sweating and making out in front of everyone.
Twin: So gross.
Jen: Is he eating pizza?
Twin: Then there’s Nick…
OT: Who totally digs Amanda, but Josh swooped in.
Twin: Just like Caila did with me and Jared.
OT: Quiet! Ashley will cut you.
Twin: Are you being condescending?
OT: There’s also E.D.
Twin: But he has a thing for Carly.
Jen: Who’s left?
Twin: Damn Daniel. He’s super funny.
OT: And sort of likes Sarah.
Jen: So my options are one of you.
Chris Harrison greets the group and Josh is sweating so profusely it looks like he just finished competing in an Olympic event. I can’t believe there wasn’t a chapter in Andi’s book about this or his moaning because the combo is almost worse than what she did write about.
Meanwhile, Lace, Izzy and the fellas go on a romantic double date to a foam party, where someone looking for camera time throws a pitcher of water on Lace’s sad weave, causing her to go full-on Bad Girls’ Club.
Can someone explain why all the food in paradise is from the same menu served at a pre-school cafeteria? Small personal pizzas, peanut butter sandwiches and chicken tenders, really? No wonder these girls are so fucking skinny. They're eating the food of really picky, tiny children
Nick was GREAT on AfterBuzz this week!
Here to Make Friends featuring Caila Quinn (Huffington Post)
The very last Most Dramatic Podcast in Bachelor History
Bachelor Nation News:
Dating Tips from Chad (Redbook)
All About Playa Escondida (Yahoo! TV)
An Interview with Jared (Glamour)
Andi responds to Josh's Paradise drama - kind of (Us Weekly)