These two. We all agree that ultimately it's not going to end well, right?
Chris Harrison’s Blog (Yahoo! TV)
Going into our last week, a lot is still up in the air. Who will Wells end up with? Will there be a residual effect from the confrontation with Josh on the beach? Lace and Grant continue their volatile-spiked-with-passion relationship. Evan and Carly continue their roller-coaster love affair. And finally, Josh and Amanda will need to figure out how things could work out for them outside of Paradise.
I felt awful for Caila on After Paradise last night. It was obvious by how the camera zoomed in on her reaction that she wasn’t told Ashley would be there. In fact, I’d go so far as to guess they might have promised her just the opposite. It was tough to watch the two of them; you could cut the tension with a knife. And while Ashley’s reticent apology was better than nothing, it would have struck me as more sincere if she hadn’t needed to be prompted more than once by Michelle Collins to make it.
He has to choose “between me, a random girl from Canada, [and] a Russian hooker.” Choose the hooker, Wells! Choose the hooker! Especially since she’s not possessive. “He’s a good kisser,” Shushanna (aka “Shu”) tells Ashley. “You should kiss him.”
Let's talk about the incomprehensible disaster: Caila and Jared's early departure from Paradise. I mean, I get it but I also don't get it. Caila had a conversation with human-brick-wall Ashley I. at the end of Monday's episode and it didn't go swimmingly. Caila is fed up, which is pretty understandable at this point, especially since Jared runs to Ashley every time she's upset and lets her cry directly into his mouth. Caila thinks it'll just be too hard to have a relationship while Ashley hides around the corner, twirling the ends of her fake eyelashes like a Rocky and Bullwinkle villain. Jared asks Caila if she wants him to go with her. She basically responds, "IDK my BFF Jill."
Wells tries not to make contact with Lauren because he doesn’t want yet another girl swooning over him. Also, his wallet is too small for his fifties and his diamond shoes are too tight.
Back at the resort, Carly gives Evan, the erectile dysfunction specialist, another erection that they talk about, and Josh and Amanda stumble upon a date card that reads, “Amanda, you deserve this … look to the heavens." She asks Josh on the date. He agrees and she tells us that she needs to know whether he’s going to propose at the end of this, because she needs someone to help with the grocery bills.
Somewhere, Chris Bukowski is crying into his light beer, wondering where he went wrong. After all, wasn’t he, too, dumped on multiple seasons of the Bachelor franchise? Does he not deserve love and a lucrative career marketing hair supplements and teeth whitener on Instagram? Where is Chris’s happily ever after? But we’re not here to talk about Chris. We’re here to discuss Nick and all the awesome things that could happen (but probably won’t.) Here are some of the things that would make Nick’s season awesome:
- Andy Dorfman returns for a second chance
- The Twins appear on the show as his “wingmen” vetting all the women before he dates them
- Nick proposes but she turns him down
- Josh Murray shows up at the finale, and steals Nick’s woman
Shushanna the Russian walks in. She and Lauren are going on a double date and the combination of their accents is amazing. Ashley complains that Shu is Eurotrash, not realizing Russia is not technically a part of that continent. She says she has to fake normal emotions and reactions. Yikes, girl. You need pills!
AfterBuzz with Alex and Christian:
Here to Make Friends featuring Ashley Spivey (Huffington Post)
Will you Accept this Rose? (If you can bear Arden's voice, Wells is on this podcast and it's freaking hilarious.)
Bachelor Nation News is All About Nick:
Meet the new Bachelor (Yahoo! TV)
Why wasn't Luke named the Bachelor? (Yahoo! TV)
Did he dump Jen to be the Bachelor? (CBS Detroit)
8 reasons Nick will be the best Bachelor (Us Weekly)
Have you heard? The Bachelorette Canada premieres on September 13, and we're doing a Bachelor League!
Finally, get your Bonus Selections for next week in. It's couples vs couples!