I'm pretty sure Caila forgot to wear clothes on her date with Jared.
Chris Harrison’s Blog (Yahoo! TV)
First of all, the new arrivals to Paradise were some not so familiar faces. Part of the fun of Paradise is that it’s a second chance for some of your favorites, but it’s also a second chance for some people who never really got a chance to begin with. Izzy never really got much of a shot with Ben; and, likewise, Carl, Ryan B., and Brett were all sent home on their respective seasons relatively early. Carl and Ryan B. were obviously fascinating to the twins, who each got a date (and who knows what else) out of these new arrivals.
Ryan stuck out to me as super normal and likable (plus you know I love me a little salt and pepper), so I found it painful that he admitted to coming to meet Sarah the day after she went home. Really, producers?! You claim to want these people to “find love,” yet allow a viable candidate for Sarah to arrive after she was eliminated? As though an overlap couldn’t have been arranged there? We know there aren’t any rules, after all… who do you think allowed Ashley I to stay despite being eliminated? Hint: it wasn’t the other contestants.
“I feel great about Amanda,” drawls Josh. “She’s just so selfless.” Whatever, Tanner knows a bulls*** artist when he sees one. “I feel like [Josh] is putting on too much,” he says, as a bored Jade shrugs.
Jade and Tanner are going to sit down with every couple and make them perform their love for them. First up in the hot seat are the sexually confused Evan and Carly. Tanner remarks that Carly is really trying hard to like Evan. Yeah, that’s a good sign. Lace and Grant sit down with Jade and Tanner, and Grant is like a giddy schoolboy introducing his first girlfriend to his mama and Lace is approaching the situation with all the enthusiasm with which you order Chili’s 2 Go at the airport. Grant expressing human emotion in front of other people made Lace confront that she might just be a robot powered by margaritas and drama. Grant says that she’s pulling away from the relationship. Tanner says that Josh is trying really hard. Just in general. Tanner knows that Nick has to get out of his head so he doesn’t have any regrets.
Carly lets us know that Damn Daniel has the swing rose this week. His choices? Twins, Sarah or Ashley I-Lashes. Sarah bakes Daniel a cake for his “half-birthday.” Her cold diaphragm dress turns him on more than the empty carb gesture. Sarah warns Papa Bear not to do anything stupid. He just smiles. She is confident he will give her his rose. Kiss of death.
Jared asks Caila if she wants to “get more wet” and I lose it because I’m 12. They head to the ocean and strip down and we see that Jared is wearing Calvin Klein boxers and not swimwear.
The house is in turmoil. If a girl who never made it past the first night and a guy whose greatest accomplishment is growing out a bad haircut can’t make it work, then what hope does any of them have? ABC knows an intervention opportunity when they see it, and they bring in Tanner and Jade, the only successful couple in the history of Paradise, to interview the couples in a competition for a date card.
Jen: I feel like you have a wall up.
Nick: We're gonna build a wall! UGE!
Jen: I want every day to be a progression, I know it's only been a few days - sounds crazy
Jen: I have real feelings for Nick
...Jen is totally ditching Nick next week.
I don't think they're really into each other. They're totally using each other for roses/lack of better options.
AfterBuzz with Ashley I:
Juliet Litman interviews Nick, and it's EXCELLENT (Channel 33)
Here to Make Friends featuring Michael Garafola (Huffington Post)
Bachelor Nation News:
Tour Sean and Catherine's house (E! News)
Check out Des's baby shower (Us Weekly)
Why you never see anyone eat on The Bachelor (Food & Wine)
Josh and Amanda have moved in together, and apparently it's okay for BIP couples to spoil their relationships (Us Weekly)
59 Thoughts everyone has while watching BIP (BuzzFeed)
Caila is effing annoying (her stupid blog)
The mystery of the missing After Paradise Host (Yahoo! TV)
JoJo and Jordan have an engagement party, and no - Aaron is not there (Us Weekly)
Jordan's ex goes nuclear on Instagram (Us Weekly)
This is weird. Chad is appearing on Ben and Lauren's show (Entertainment Tonight)
Have you heard? The Bachelorette Canada premieres on September 13, and we WILL be doing a Bachelor League! Details and sign up coming next week!
Finally, get your Bonus Selections for next week in! We're splitting up the couples as each pair goes head-to-head against one another!