Not gonna lie. This made my night.
Before we get to the couples, I want to take a moment to send some good wishes to Krista and her family today as her husband undergoes a bone marrow transplant. If you have any good vibes and/or prayers to spare, please send them her way. She's an amazingly positive force, and a very important member of Bachelor League. Krista, we love you. ♥
A few recaps from last night:
Entertainment Weekly: Lamp Shades of Gray
Daniel proceeds to tell the producers why sleeping with a virgin is so great. Thankfully, they cut out his answers, but we do get the tail end of each reasoning:
- “…like winning a battle in Vietnam.” Because sleeping with a virgin is just like war.
- “…can’t do that yet with science.” WHAT.
- “…unless she’s watched a lot of porn.” No comment.
Yahoo! TV: Fresh Meat, Surprise Heartbreak
When Brett asks Caila out, she says yes to him… then tells Jared she won’t go… then tells him she will go… then tells Brett she won’t go… then she announces, “Let’s go on this date!”… and that’s followed quickly by, “Wait, no.”
Good God, Princess Perfect Hair — is that your final answer? “This bitch needs to make up her mind!” groans Emily. “Because I need to go get ready!”
People: Ashley's Crying and Lurking
Ashley returned with a passionate plea to the remaining contestants to let her stay, saying she'd turned a new leaf, so to speak, despite the fact she sobbing approximately 20 minutes prior to her speech. The twins said yes, because we know they appreciate the entertainment (if nothing else), and everyone else followed suit (excluding Caila and Jared, obviously.) Who knew it was that easy?! Someone tell Sarah!
Us Weekly: Key Couple Splits + Ashley Rose Shocker (that sounds dirty)
Caila momentarily rejected Jared for Brett — despite the fact that he entered this show wearing pants and sandals, a sartorial faux pas that horrified literally everyone. Luckily for Jared (and unluckily for Ashley, who called her enemy a "backstabbing whore"), Caila had a terrible time during their "booze cruise." But hey, at least Carl and Emily got to low-key dry hump each other! To quote Brett: "She's riding him like Seabiscuit, and I'm like, 'What the f--k is going on over here.'"
All Bachelor/ette Points and Bonus Results will be reported on Wednesday morning - stay tuned!
An update on the couples:
Carly and Evan.
Lace and Grant.
Josh and Amanda.
Shockingly, I got nothin'. No gifs, no images, no commentary.
Vinny and Izzy.
Jared and Caila.
Ashley and her box of tissues.
Daniel and himself.
Nick and Jen.
It's from last week, but DAMN.
Emily and Carl.
Haley and Ryan.